Do you take things too personally and let your emotions get the best of you? Do you look for validation from others? Are you afraid of getting rejected? Maybe you can relate to this scenario:
You're out with your friends at a club doing your thing and then all of a sudden there she is -- a gorgeous woman standing at the end of the bar. You can’t keep your eyes off her. You try not to stare, but can’t help yourself. As you think about approaching her, you get a surge of fear in the pit of your stomach. You freeze as your body starts to sweat.
Those voices in your head start sounding..."I could never get a woman like that. I don’t know what to say. I can't possibly have anything in common with her -- she’s too perfect." You watch her for the rest of the night, but never muster up the courage to approach her. You missed your opportunity and for the rest of the week, you're beating yourself up. Sound familiar?
Guys do this because they're afraid of getting hurt, rejected or disregarded. In order for a man to navigate the world confidently, he must find the space inside himself of worthiness and self love. Feeling unworthy is the source of most obstacles in life. Of course we all want to be liked, seen and heard, especially by the opposite sex. When a man is confident and has positive self regard, he can stay relaxed, playful and curious. His aim isn’t to please others or look outside himself for validation. Instead he is excited to see how life will unfold.
I’m not going to give you scripts or advice about how to pick up women. You can find that information on the internet ad nauseam. I’m going to share with you tried and true ways for becoming the man who gets what he wants.
1. Learn to dance
Yes, men...I said it. Take a dance class...and not some free-for-all dance party or anything of the ecstatic sort, but a full-fledged, formal dance class...where YOU, the man, must LEAD.
I see so many men struggle with taking the lead in their romantic relationships. Two people cannot lead at the same time and it’s important to know which role you want to take up. In a romantic relationship, it's the man who should lead. This is not about control, but about guiding someone to their full expression. When a man has the balls to step up and lead, a woman can let go and express her femininity. By his nature, a man must initiate, guide and ask for what he wants. A relationship where there is a struggle for power is doomed, unless the man can stand up and assert himself. Partner dancing is a great way to understand and incorporate the subtle and powerful dynamics of leading within a relationship. It will also teach you how to be in your body, trust your intuition, remain humble and, most importantly, let go and have fun. By becoming more self aware, you will have the inner confidence to lead yourself and others.
2. Join a men’s group
For thousands of years, cultures have encouraged male bonding and created ways to pass on wisdom and traditions. We have lost these connections in modern times and have been forced to learn about masculinity on the playground, through our parents or by guessing. Men's groups are a place where we can express our fears, anger, sadness and even joy in a healthy, productive way. It’s where we can get honest, receive no bullshit feedback and figure ourselves out. If you have a group in your town, join it. If not, round up a bunch of guys and commit to helping each other go after your dreams and ambitions.
3. Get out in nature
Nature separates the men from the boys very quickly. If you're a city guy like me, you’ll learn very quickly that you don’t know shit if you don’t have survival skills like how to keep yourself alive when the weather gets bad or when you’re climbing dangerous terrain. Going out and exploring nature is not only a huge confidence builder, but it will give you a greater sense of what it means to be human; and the great beauty and power of mother nature.
4. Take a martial arts class
Learn how to give a hit and take one too. Too many sensitive guys avoid confrontation and are unable to stay in tense situations without getting taken advantage of or feeling ashamed. Knowing how to defend yourself gives you the mindset that you can hold your own. It’s much deeper than being able to do a particular move. When you know your power, you'll feel confident, more relaxed, present, alert and, in many cases, avoid trouble without getting injured. The state of our physical body affects our mental state, so when we are feeling physically powerful, we will act like it.
5. Travel alone to a foreign country
Traveling alone helps get you out of your comfort zone quickly. You’re forced to navigate your surroundings, make new friends and learn new traditions. Your senses will be heightened as you travel to places with new smells, tastes, and languages. No matter how old you are, traveling alone forces you to grow up and discover yourself. You’ll have a better understanding of what’s important, what you need and can let go of.
These are not quick and easy ways to build confidence over night. They are tools that will help you be vulnerable to build character, self worth and true confidence. Try one or all of these activities and you will find yourself a changed man for the better.